New Year's Day 2014

Happy New Year everyone!

As a disclosure I'm trying to be very happy right now, but it's not coming through. For about the past two hours I've been crying because I have received some really horrible news, that is eating me up inside. This morning I got the news that the person I've been closest to for the longest, a childhood best friend, his mom passed away last night. His mom was like a second mother to me. She was there through all the hard things I've had to deal with in the past ten years. I have so many memories that include her, that when I found out my heart shattered.

Loss is hard. I've dealt with a lot of loss in my 18 years on this planet, but I'm certain that so far this is the hardest one. Honestly it feels like a close family member has died, she was always 'mom # 2' to me. That's what she called herself, everything was signed with, 'love mom # 2'. I feel like part of my childhood has left me, a part that I can never reclaim. For the first time I think I know what a true broken heart feels like. It's surreal really. I can't even put my feelings into words because there are no words for this loss. For someone young, 50s, is too young. For someone that watched me grow up, held my hand while I cried, held me up when I got too drunk, taught me how to deal with hurt, and supported me through so many things, it hurts me so much. If I had one more chance to say to her everything I wish I could say I would say this:
Vicki, your role in my growing up has been huge. Through so many heart aches, and happiness you've been there. You helped us all grow, always being the cool mom that we all wanted around. To me, you were my second mom. Since third grade when I clung to Mike with dear life because he was my best friend, you showed me that even though you weren't my biological mom, you had the love and support that my mom had. Even though you were simply Mike's mom, you were my mom too. I was the daughter you never had for a while, and I'm glad that I was. We went through a lot together, and you raised an amazing young man. I will always love you like a parent, and I'm so glad you were a part of my life. Rest in peace, you incredible woman, the world will not be the same without you.

This day is hard for me. I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve, I will discuss mine on a later date. Until next time.

Kate